• Andrew Ampers Taylor

This will scare the pants off you!

The dangers of introducing Vaccination ID Identification Numbers.

Ordering a Pizza - SOON

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your...

Customer: Hi, I'd like to order...

Operator: May I have your VIDN first, sir?

Customer: My Vaccination ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 602049998-55-5461.

Operator: Thank you, Mr Smith . I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 01494-232766. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 020-7745 2302, and your cell number's 07992-662566. Which number are you calling from, sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where did you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the system, sir.

Customer: (Sighs) Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas...

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. The NHS won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family sized ones, then... What's the damage?

Operator: That'll be enough for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes to £29.25.

Customer: Let me give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over it's limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your current account's overdrawn.

Customer: Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry, you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repossessed. But your Honda's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using it.

Customer: @#%/$@&?#!

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for swearing at a policeman.

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget the two free bottles of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.

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