But the cartoon came from a friend in Africa...
O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!'
'This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do
you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.'
An elderly man
walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am
92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two
college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with
each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man:
'What sins?' Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm
Jewish.' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'I'm 82 years
old ..... I'm telling everybody!'
An elderly man goes
into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the
night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says. '90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize
you've had it?' 'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
An elderly man went
to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several
times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,'
replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
A woman was having a
passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company..
One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her
husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover,
'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The
husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom
discovered the man in the closet.. 'Who are you?' he asked him.. I'm an
inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing
in there?' the husband asked.. I'm investigating a complaint about an
infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?'
asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those
Wife: 'What are you
doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our
marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?' Husband: 'What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or no.'
e and replied: 'I like your sense of
Girl: 'When we get
married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your
burden.' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any
worries or troubles.' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
Son: 'Mom, when
I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat
to a lady.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But mom, I
was sitting on daddy's lap.'
A newly married man
asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a
fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter who left you the fortune!'
A wife asked her
husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'
Husbands are Husbandse and replied: 'I like your sense of
A man was sitting
reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying
pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for
the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants
pocket'. The man then said, 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was
the name of the horse I bet on' the wife apologized and went on with
the housework.. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife
bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him
unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit
him again. Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'
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