PERMISSIONS:
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APOLOGIES
I have been over zealous with political comment lately so have now accepted the offer to assemble and write for two blogs on the WatchingUK website. The "Good News" blog is for items where we have benefited from the Brexit referendum vote and the "Bad News" blog is where others have tried to damage our chances of leaving the EU.

SUBSCRIPTIONS:
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Saturday, 29 December 2012

There is too much talk about guns, for or against, in America. Here you can read about the real killer.

Thinking the Unthinkable

Michael holding a butterfly
In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”

“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”

“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me. 
 

Who reads Ampers' Rants, it is really quite surprising!

I now have Google Analytics on my smart-phone and was amazed to find out where my visitors come from. But, before I tell you let me explain that I lost a huge number of followers when I moved from Blogger to Wordpress. And a similar number when I got disillusioned with Wordpress and moved back to Blogger (Blogspot).

In case a new blog provider came along and encouraged me to move again, I registered ampers.me.uk so that I can chop and change blogs without losing readers.

Now for the number of countries of my readers. This now totals an unbelievable 136 countries. I even have readers in Mongolia!!!

The top ten countries, in order of quantity of readers are:


Foreign Aid; a better way for Britain to gain by this.

President Zuma of South Africa has built himself a Palace costing £17,000,000. The South African Government paid for this as follows: £2,000,000 out of the exchequer and £15,000,000 from the British Tax-payer in the form of Prime Minister Cameron's generous foreign aid policy with money he claws from the British citizens by the method of collecting their increasing taxes.

This has to stop. If we have to give foreign aid, then it should not go to despots to arm their forces against their citizens, build huge palaces, or top up their Swiss bank accounts. There must be a better way, and there is.

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

For England to be successful, we should adopt this educational idea

This is a 20 minute TED video. It starts with a horrific story of how, although this woman proved xraying pregnant women caused cancer in children, it was 25 years before the medical profession stopped doing this.

But this is just the beginning of an intriguing tale of how a woman hired someone who totally disagreed with her, with the job of proving her theories false. No "yes men" around her. What a difference to business today!

She then talks about a University who sets a test before taking on a graduate for a PhD course. The person has to list five ideas or theories that they believe in, it can be anything under the sun, and they have to support them against the Universities best intellectuals, to prove they can marshal and defend their ideas.

Finally she makes the suggestion that there are too few PhD students, and that we have to introduce this down to school level.Imagine the benefit to our young if they have to prepare a theory or idea, and to be able to thoroughly defend it from attack by their classmates, and what the classmates will get by learning how to take an idea to pieces? How much more useful this would be than the socialist drivel our young have drummed into them.

Enjoy.




Ampers

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Ladies, is it true that men know everything? And that you worship their knowledge?

There was a fantastic poet on Television a decade or two ago called Pam Ayers. In the following tv performance she enthrals us on the abilities of her husband to educate - not!



Ampers

Monday, 17 December 2012

Baileys? Ladies, try this drink instead, you'll never go back.

I am referring to the famous (in South Africa) drink called Amarulu. Yes, you can get it in Britain if you search for it. and it is well worth the effort.

And, introduce it to the man in your life and there's a good chance he'll get hooked as well.

I have offered it to several English people who were Baileys drinkers and I have learned that they never returned to Baileys after tasting this beausiful more-ish cream drink.

But a warning...


Enjoy ;-)

Ampers

Friday, 14 December 2012

Dedicated to the families of the relatives and friends of Sandy Hook School in Connecticut

Here is a South African song of mourning, which I thought was fitting, after finding a link to it on Twitter. It seemed appropriate. (Sandy Hook school in Newtown.)

Ampers.


Thursday, 13 December 2012

Young Londoner demonstrates his ability speaking in 30 accents

This is well worth spending the time watching and listening. He is very talented when you consider he speaks in 30 accents. Naturally, if he just concentrated on two or three he would be even better with those.

Ampers


Friday, 7 December 2012

Cameron gives all our money away to Swiss and Caymen island bankers. There's a better way.

We give 0.7% of our GDP to third world countries.

We could inctrease that, with a fanfare of trumpets, to 1% to help nullify the howls of anguish from the disreputable lefties.

My plan is to give these countries vouchers which have to be spent in Britain, buying goods made or assembled in Britain, or the hiring of British experts to help with farming and manufacturing advice.

There are negative and positive issues here.

This 93-year-old has a message for us: “A beach body at 90 is no longer a dream”

One of the most interesting websites on the Internet is Ted Com They have seminars lasting 30-40 minutes on every subject under the sun. What makes it doubly interesting is all the people giving the lectures are articulate and riviting.

One that all of us will appreciate is this one, where an amazingly fit and active 93 year old discusses the secrets in not growing old gracefully.

Before you can do business with this company you have to pay US$125,000 to join their client list

There is a travel company based in Manhattan, New York, which has a client base of 70% in America, and 30% around the world.

They are not on the Internet and their phone number is unlisted.

If you manage to ever bump into one of their clients, and ply them with enough drinks, they will tell you how to contact them.

However, make sure you can afford it. Before you pay for any of their services you have to join their client list. The fee for this is an initial non returnable US$100,000 but it doesn't end there, you have to retain them at US$25,000 a year. Miss a year and you have to pay the US%100,000 again plus the US$25,000 for the coming year.

They are large enough to have prestige premises in one of the most expensive areas in New York, large enough to accommodate the directors and 24 staff.

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

My "feelings" on the chancellor's budget statement 2012-12-05

At half past twelve I tuned in to BBC Parliament and listened to Osborne's statement, opposition Chancellor Balls' reply, Osborne's reply to Balls, and then Chancellor's questions through to 3pm when I felt I had heard enough.

Thoughts and feelings are different, and there will be enough tax accountants writing about their thoughts on the statement, so I thought I'd just write about my feelings on the subject.

On listening to Osborne’s statement, and knowing that it would be a matter of immediate resignation if he is caught out on a lie, I felt that he was, on the whole, pretty truthful. Although, I also knew that he would be presenting bad information in the best possible light.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Wise words from a reverend which the left just cannot understand.


Written by the Reverend William John Henry Boetcker but has, in the past, been wrongly attributed to Abraham Lincoln.

  • You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
  • You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
  • You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.
  • You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
  • You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
  • You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.
  • You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
  • You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
  • You cannot build character and courage by destroying men's initiative and independence.
  • And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves.
Boetcker also spoke of the "Seven National Crimes".

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Patents, Smartphones, UKIP Rising, and Home problems


Patents

I have been following the patent infringements between Apple, Samsung, Google and Microsoft and know, for a fact, that these large companies file hundreds, if not thousands, of patents each month, whether they intend to use them or not.

I suggest a new rule regarding patents. This is that a company loses their patent if they don't actually use it in a product within twelve months. This would make sure that this ridiculous merry-go-round stops and companies only file patents which they honestly intend to use.

Home Deliveries

It is very bad that companies still give an eight our delivery slot for a home delivery. Supermarkets and Majestic wines manage to give a two hour slot.

Many people are at work during the week and have to lose a complete days pay to be home for a delivery – which is often more than the cost of the product they are purchasing.

Amazon use several couriers but their best one s DPD. These people send you an email just after 8am stating a one hour delivery slot during the day. Their van is loaded, a route has been set out, and sending the email is entirely automated. They have never missed their slot yet with me.

Why can't other companies do this. Well done DPD.

Sunday, 21 October 2012

Why UKIP should be against an IN/OUT Referendum

We, in UKIP, should change our whole stance with regards to an IN/OUT referendum on the European Union (EU).

The major problem with such a referendum would be finance.

On the OUT side you would have UKIP, admitted with the best reasons and answers, but with very limited resources.

On the IN side, apart from the Conservatives, Socialists and Liberal Democrats, each with more resources than our party to throw at the campaign, have you thought about the amount the EU would also throw at such a campaign?

Monday, 15 October 2012

How to extend your smartphone's battery life.

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First of all, I must declare an interest. I have owned a large portfolio of Apple shares for over fifteen years.

However, when looking to upgrade to a smartphone I chose Samsung. Why did I do that you may ask?

Simple, it is all about battery life.

I looked at the three larger players, Apple, Samsung and HTC and after a very short time discounted Apple and HTC because their batteries are wired in. This means you can't exchange your battery without sending the phone back and the manufacturers won't put in a larger third party battery.

Within a few weeks of owning my Galaxy S3 I found I had accumulated over 160 apps, and my phone would run out of battery before the day was out. I needed a phone where the battery would last from 7am to midnight, where I could use all sorts of apps including the battery intensive poker games and twitter.

Why, oh why, do these companies vie to supply the thinnest, slimmest phones when what we want is good performance?

My article is about extending battery life and, although I start with Samsung; HTC and Apple owners can still do something–more about that later. 

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

If you pay Council Tax, this will make you spit blood

The following video is only twelve minutes long, it shows how each and every council in Britain, whether controlled by the Conservatives, the Socialists, the Liberal Democrats, and I believe UKIP and the Greens also control a council, has to pay out billions of pounds annually.

To keep the video short, they only mention eight areas where Brussels are costing Council Tax Payers, so much money.

Wherever you live266 in Great Britain, if you pay Council Tax, to any flavour of Council, it affects you, and you are paying through the nose.

It also mentions that from 2013, when present draft EU legislation is complete, we are going to have huge Continental juggernauts on our roads, and Council Tax payers are going to have to pick up the tab for road damage.

There is nothing you can do about it as it will never stop whilst we are governed by the unelected bureaucrats in the EU. And alas, there is nothing your MP or the PM can do about it either.

What I readlly don't understand is, why do they hate us so much?

Ampers.

Friday, 17 August 2012

A little humour helps, but here's a lot!



 Golf Joke


A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell.
The party waiting behind her was a group from the White House that included President Obama, who quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.
She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, "I'm President Obama and I hope you'll vote for me this November."
She laughed and quickly said, "I fell on my ass, not my head!"

Close Your Curtains


A woman phones her blonde neighbour and says, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde replies, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

Why I Stopped You

An elderly gentleman was pulled over on the freeway.
The officer walked up to the man’s car and asked, “Sir, do you know why I stopped you?"
"No, officer, I don't," answered the old man.
"Are you not aware that you left your wife back at the last rest stop?”
The old man replied, “Thank God, I thought I’d gone deaf!”

Sunday, 12 August 2012

The English malady of making life more difficult than it is!

I wrote this article some time ago, on a different blog, but have reproduced it today to show a fine example of the English malady of always wanting to make life a little more complex than it really is. Read the second paragraph first to see where I stand on the subject.

Network Marketing



Now here’s an interesting topic. One where reason goes out of the window and people either hate it or love it. But many, both those who hate it, and those who love it, don’t actually understand it.

First of all I must nail my colours to the mast. I do not indulge in Network Marketing as such. I do not have the time or inclination. However, I may cheat a little from time to time by joining a scheme so I can buy product wholesale – but am often found out and thrown out!

On the whole Network Marketing doesn’t work in Britain, especially in England.

It has been going for nearly a hundred years. It works well in Japan where it began, and in America where the Americans understand what it is about.

Network Marketing is also known as Multi-Level Marketing and Networking. In the US it is also considered a no-brainer. More of this later.

Friday, 10 August 2012

New Zealand Judges have the right idea

Words for teenagers


"Northland College Principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth:

'Always we hear the cry from teenagers "What can we do, where can we go?"

'My answer is this: Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons, and after you've finished, read a book. Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun.

'The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in sickness and lonely again. In other words, grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important, you are needed.

It's too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you!' "

Sunday, 5 August 2012

This is what being English is really all about

Born in Yorkshire, left school at 14, so therefore, is self-educated.

When I lived in South Africa, this is an example of what I thought was a typical Englishman.

Alas, typical he ain't!


Polly Toynbee's disreputable writings #762


Polly always sees red: Toynbee's rewriting of history

Polly Toynbee's historical revisionism is a spectacle at the best of times. Her views on Danny Boyle's Olympic opening ceremony are something else


Written by Andrew Gibson.
This article appeared in the Commentator on 2 August 2012

If Simon Heffer asserted that the Tories established the NHS, or Trevor Kavanagh congratulated the Conservative Party for having legislated into effect the statutory minimum wage, you would certainly read some consequent sneering commentary in the diaries of the Guardian or the Independent.

So how should readers of The Commentator – who are naturally polite people – react to Polly Toynbee’s recent historical revisionism in The Guardian?

I know little about this but it seems frightening

However, it may be a load of "male cow droppings" so I would be very pleased to hear your views on the subject, dear reader! In particular, has it reached England yet?

Ampers

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Why did Apple ban this iPhone App?


Do you know what your apps are doing when you are not paying attention? How are they taking care of your personal data? An iOS app called Clueful from security company Bitdefender told users exactly what the apps on their iPhone were doing. That is a valuable service for consumers who may trust an app simply because it had the App Store stamp of approval, when not all apps are so trustworthy. Yet Apple has removed Clueful from the App Store for unspecified reasons.

According to Bitdefender, Clueful “identifies deviant apps on your iPhone. It looks at what applications are currently running in memory and it retrieves audit information from the Clueful Cloud. This audit info lets you know if the app is taking your address book, sharing your location, etc.”

Clueful would also let you know if an app integrated a mobile analytics platform so it could track a user’s behavior within the app. Mobile analytics is a powerful tool for developers, and the information is extremely useful to developers for marketing and designing updates. Clueful would tell you how an ad network was interacting with an app. It would tell if an app was accessing your Facebook or Twitter credentials or if it used telemetry data to ascertain your behavior across several apps. If an app was sending your data unencrypted, Clueful would let you know.

Apple has good reasons for not wanting consumers to have that information. Several companies have gotten into trouble in 2012 for improperly transmitting user data to servers, such as Path and LinkedIn.

Read the rest of the article here.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Why I fired my secretary on the spot.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

Monday, 9 July 2012

Useful information for bloggers, worth the read.

I stumbled upon this blog the other day and found this article of interest and hope it will be of interest to other bloggers. I shall definitely take some of this to heart. There's a link at the end to his site if you want to see the rest of the article. Ampers

How to get Me to Read Your Blog
Chances are I’m not reading your blog. That’s not because I don’t like you, most likely I don’t even know you exist, and that’s your fault.

Yes, you heard me. Your fault. It’s something you can remedy though.

There are a gazillion blogs out there, and most of them suck, to be honest. Yours might not, though, so I’m willing to have a look. But how am I to find it? And why should I stay along at all?


Are you commenting on my posts? That works, you know, don’t be shy – tooting your horn is something you need to learn. Sometimes reading other people’s blog is the best way to get lots of traffic in the long run, since it can award itself with links, trackbacks and the like.

Do you submit your posts to social tools, like StumbleUpon, Digg, Reddit, and Splashpress’ own Blogosphere News? That’s a very natural way to reach your niche, and if I’m interested in it I might end up reading something on your blog.

Why education is of vital importance?

Here is probably the best illustration I have seen of how an educated person (in this case, Lord Christopher Monkton - UKIP politician, former newspaper editor and journalist) can devastate someone (in this case, a Greenpeace representative).

By educated, I am not just referring to a University degree as both participants in this ten minute confrontation are probably university educated, but I mean education combined with a logical incisive mind and the ability to quickly marshal facts for presentation, whilst in conversation.

Thursday, 5 July 2012

Some humour from our man in Indiana

But the cartoon came from a friend in Africa...

Ampers



Donation
 
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.' 

How I would transform the armed forces.

It is becoming more and more important to save money everywhere we can in Britain, so that Clegg and Cameron can strut around on the world stage. So money to the armed forces is out, and money to the Indian poor (whilst their government spend billions on a space programme) is in, as with the Swiss Bank accounts of African and Asian countries leaders.

Our armed forces need to be professional and, as they are being reduced even more, they need to be even more professional.

I have an idea.

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

The definitive version of how Socialism works

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism". All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied 'hard' were upset and the students who studied 'little' were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied 'even less' and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied 'little'.

The second test average was a 'D'. No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

EU Alert: Don't go on holiday in August!

Nigel Farage, he just gets better and better, what a star he'd be in our UK Parliament.


Ampers.

Monday, 2 July 2012

Cathy's newsletter from Zimbabwe


Cathy Buckle is writing from Zimbabwe, her letter is below.

Dear Family and Friends,

Front page headlines midweek screamed the shocking news that President Mugabe’s trip to Brazil was costing the country seven million US dollars. The President had gone to Rio de Janeiro in Brazil to attend a UN summit on Sustainable Development. He was accompanied by a delegation of ninety two people.

The next day I attended a meeting along with perhaps forty others at our local Municipality. Called an ‘All Stakeholders’ meeting the idea was for local council officials to tell us what they were doing with our money every month and to give residents of the town a chance to publicly air their views. This was a meeting that had been requested by residents months ago and was finally happening. Only about twenty chairs had been provided for members of the public and for the first hour and a quarter people shuffled in and out. 

Government Business, South African style

Three contractors, one from Soweto , another from Pretoria , and the third from Benoni, are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Union Buildings in Pretoria.

They go with an ANC official to examine the fence...
 
The Pretoria contractor takes out a tape measure, does some measuring, and then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well,' he says, 'I figure the job will run about R900. R400 for materials, R400 for my crew, and R100 profit for me.'

The Benoni contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do this job for R700: R300 for materials, R300 for my crew, and R100 profit for me.'

The Soweto contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the ANC official and whispers,'R2,700.00'.

The ANC official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Soweto contractor whispers back, 'R1000 for me, R1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Benoni to fix the fence.'

'Done!' replies the ANC Government official.
 
And that, folks, is how it all works in South.Africa. these days! 

If you're not from South Africa, change the three areas to your own location and change the Government Official to a party near you.

Easy Malva Pudding recipe (South African)

Heavenly recipe for a traditional South African dessert - Malva Pudding. Serve with a great big spoon of ice cream.

Ingredients:
250ml Castor Sugar
1 1/4 Cups (312ml) Cake Flour
2 XL Eggs (at room temperature)
Pinch of Salt
Finely grated zest of 1/2 an Orange or 1 whole Clementine
1/2 Cup (125ml) Milk
1 Tbs (15ml) Smooth Apricot Jam
2 Tbs (30ml) Butter
1 Tbs (15ml) Vinegar
1/2 tsp (2.5ml) Real Vanilla Extract
1 1/2 tsp (7ml) Bicarbonate of Soda

Sauce:
1 Cup (250ml) Evaporated Milk (or fresh cream if you prefer)
1/2 Cup (125g) Butter
1/2 Cup (125ml) Sugar
1/2 Cup (125ml) Orange Juice (or water if you prefer)
Knife point of Vanilla bean seeds
It also works well with 1/2 brandy and 1/2 orange juice for an adult version

Directions:
Preheat oven to 180 Celcius
Grease a medium to large deep ovenproof dish and set aside
Beat the eggs and castor sugar until light and fluffy
Beat in the apricot jam and orange zest
Sift the dry ingredients together in a seperate bowl
Melt the butter and mix together with the milk and vinegar
Alternately fold some of the dry ingredients and liquid into the batter until all is folded in (I do about a third of each at a time) end with dry ingredients
Pour the batter into the prepared baking dish and bake for about 45 minutes
About 5 minutes before the end of baking time melt all the sauce ingredients together in a saucepan and boil gently for a few minutes - this can also be done in the mircrowave
As soon as the pudding comes out of the oven poke some holes into it with a fork or skewer then pour the hot sauce over and leave to be absorbed for about 15 minutes or so

(I like to keep about half the sauce aside and serve it warm with the pudding)

Serve this pudding warm with thick cream, custard, cremefraiche or a scoop of vanilla ice cream - my best way... I just love the mouth feel of hot and cold at the same time!

For a yummy extra South African twist I like to sometimes half whip some cream, add a tot of Amarula liqueur and 10ml Icing Sugar to it and then whip until stiff peaks form and serve this with the warm pudding... yummy!

Servings:
Serves 8-9 or 3-4 if you are a pig like me!

The New Samsung Galaxy S3 - a different sort of review


My contract on my HTC Desire came to an end recently. I started looking at the market to see what was around. The HTC One X looked exciting, but it was running the Tegra 3 processor. I knew there was WiFi trouble with the first ASUS Prime tablet which also used the same Tegra 3 chip. In addition, it had no slot for an additional external SDCard, and the battery was built into the model. This, in my eyes, made the phone rather pointless.

Then the Samsung Galaxy S3 came out. It ticked all the right boxes, had a slot for the external SDCard and the battery could easily be replaced. Knowing my heavy usage, I immediately purchased a spare battery. I was amazed to find the manufacturer's battery was only a fiver from Amazon. However, when thinking about the 10,000,000 advanced orders Samsung had for the phone (even before they released the specification) it was obvious that they were buying batteries on a huge scale.

I looked at buying the phone from Amazon and taking a GiffGaff PAYG card. The cost from Amazon, divided by 24 (to help compare with a two year contract) was £20.50 a month. A GiffGaff card would be £10 a month for 250 minutes, and unlimited texts and Internet, bringing up the price to £30.50 a month.

Three Mobile were offering the lowest price contract for £34 a month. This includes 2,000 minutes, 5,000 three to three minutes, 5,000 texts (overkill) and truly unlimited Internet. I also believe that Three is the only provider who allows tethering (using your phone with your laptop to access the Internet on the computer). This deal seemed a no-brainer so I phoned them up on the day of the release, and it arrived the very next day.

Friday, 8 June 2012

An example of the difference between the Liberal left and the Conservative right.



Here is a terrific, end of university talk given in Texas. You can read it at the “Before its news” website which, in itself is worthy of a visit. In fact I have just booked marked it under “daily reading”.

Now read on.

Neal Boortz is a Texan, a lawyer, a Texas Aggie ( Texas A&M) graduate, and now a nationally syndicated talk show host from Atlanta . His pretend radio show commencement address to the graduates of a recent Texas A&M class is far different from what either the students or the faculty expected. Whether you agree or disagree, his views are certainly thought provoking.

"I am honored by the invitation to address you on this august occasion. It's about time. Be warned, however, that I am not here to impress you; you'll have enough smoke blown up your bloomers today. And you can bet your tassels I'm not here to impress the faculty and administration. You may not like much of what I have to say, and that's fine. You will remember it though. Especially after about 10 years out there in the real world. This, it goes without saying, does not apply to those of you who will seek your careers and your fortunes as government employees.

This gowned gaggle behind me is your faculty. You've heard the old saying that those who can - do. Those who can't - teach. That sounds deliciously insensitive. But there is often raw truth in insensitivity, just as you often find feel-good falsehoods and lies in compassion. Say good-bye to your faculty because now you are getting ready to go out there and do. These folks behind me are going to stay right here and teach.

Pat on middle class liberals, he adds the word 'pricks' often!

This is very enlightening...


Pat's at it again, enjoy :-)

Ampers

An illustration of how Socialism (does not) work

An economics professor at a local university made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that  socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism".. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for pounds - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied 'hard' were upset and the students who studied 'little' were happy. 

As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied 'even less' and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied 'little'

The second test average was a 'D'. No one was happy. 

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

Friday, 1 June 2012

Michael Gove defending "free speach"

Most of you know my dislike of the three parties, and the three stooges who run them.

However, this impressed me.

Ampers

First a short video, then the meat...


Yesterday, the Secretary of State for Education Micharl Gove gave a spirited defence of freedom of speech. He was a Roundhead surrounded by Cavaliers; a Whig amongst Tories; a radical nonconformist in a sea of conservative catholics. His speech is not available (yet) on YouTube, but here is a quite marvellous exerpt of the transcript: - I will replace the above when the full transcript is on YouTube.#

This was taken from  http://archbishop-cranmer.blogspot.co.uk/

MR GOVE: ...I think the general case for free expression has to be restated in every generation, because we all collectively benefit from a feeling that we are and shouldn't be inhibited in stating our views on whatever platform is available to us on matters that engage us.

LORD JUSTICE LEVESON: Mr Gove, I don't need to be told about the importance of free speech. I really don't. But I am concerned that the effect of what you say might be that you are fact taking the view that behaviour which everybody so far in this Inquiry has said is unacceptable, albeit not necessarily criminal, has to be accepted because of the right of free speech. Is that right?


Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Cathy's latest newsletter from Zimbabwe


Cathy Buckle is again writing from Zimbabwe, her letter is below.


Dear Family and Friends,
 
Africa Day dawned fine and clear in Zimbabwe. There was neither water nor electricity and it was a crisp, cold morning. For some this was a public holiday destined not to be spent in the sun or garden or relaxing with a book. This was to be a public holiday spent in a queue at the post office trying to do motor vehicle licensing. Arriving at the Post Office at seven thirty in the morning there were already five people in front of me and it wasn’t long before there were another five behind me.

When you queue in Zimbabwe it is customary not only to see how many are in front of you but to make sure people agree with your position in the line so that the inevitable queue jumpers don’t get a chance to push in. Everyone in the Africa Day queue had a weary look on their face. We had all been in this same place trying to undertake this same task more than a few times in the last couple of weeks. It was my fourth attempt and this time I was determined to succeed.

In order to reduce the number of illegal vehicles and forged licence discs on our roads, authorities have come up with a whole new licensing system. It is laborious and time consuming to say the least.

An official A4 size form has to be obtained, filled in and signed for each vehicle. Original documents and photocopies of every log book and insurance document have to be provided and then comes the hard part: you get in line at the post office. Unbelievably this massive national task is not to be staggered over weeks or months but has to be completed in a fortnight: bring on the national migraine headache.

Lies, Damned Lies and our opponents (mis)use of statistics


The following article, reproduced by kind permission of the author, Tony Brown, appeared in the last edition of Independence the magazine of the UK Independence Party.

Faced with losing the battle for public opinion, our opponents especially the Lib Dems, have begun to peddle a combination of inaccuracies, half truths and fallacies.

They suggest that we cannot leave the EU without losing vital market access, jobs and trade and will be subject to retaliation. Actually, this is nonsense:
  • For the UK to leave the EU is technically very simple: the United Kingdom parliament simply has to repeal the European Communities Act 1972 and subsequent amendments through a short new Act of Parliament: it could be done in a single day if the British Parliament so willed.
  • There is a procedure but we do not require either the Permission of the EU or for the Lisbon treaty to include such a facility.
  • This is made even simpler by our correct decision to stay out of the Euro and the Schengen agreements on the abolition of border controls.
  • There is no evidence whatsoever that we would face the kind of retaliation with which the EU enthusiasts seek to frighten us. Do they seriously imagine that the day we left, British trade would ground to a halt? But that is what they imply with their use of statistics about our trade.
  • In fact, we run a trade deficit with the rest of the European Union of over £14 billion (2009).
  • By contrast, we run a trade surplus with the rest of the world.
  • As we buy more from the rest of the EU, than they buy from the UK, the EU cannot "retaliate" without losing much more than it might gain. This is best illustrated by imagining the Germans choosing to give up the sales of all those BMWs, Audis and Mercedes which fill our roads or French, Italian or Spanish farmers giving up the sales of brie and other cheeses, Iberian or Parma Ham, paté, Cava, Champagne, Burgundy ... the list is far too long to set our here but the message is clear.
  • These claims about EU retaliation and British trade and jobs being lost make no logical sense and are scare-mongering nonsense deliberately designed to frighten and mislead the people of our country.
  • They even get basic facts wrong: whatever Sharon Bowles' office may say, Switzerland is not a member of the EEA but has its own set of entirely satisfactory bilateral trade agreements with the EU.
  • In fact free from the shackles of EU membership, we would re-acquire important rights which we have currently lost.

The young Cowboy learning the trade

A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognised an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the ol'-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his ambition to be a great shot...  "Could you give me some tips?" he asked.

The ol'-timer said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the cowboy.

"Sure will," replied the ol' man.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the cowboy.  "Got any more tips?"

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Magnificent piece, huge cast, Triumphal march . Verdi - Aida Opera

Well, another surprise to prove Ampers' Rants is truly eclectic. I am sure, even if you do not like Opera, you will enjoy the magnificent trumpet playing, and the graceful women dancing as Radames, with his soldiers, make their triumphal return to Memphis marching through the city of Memphis (Egypt, not Tennessee).

I often play the full opera, but wouldn't impose it all on you, dear reader.

Enjoy...

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Blackadder and Baldrick explain the Euro

Thanks to Captain Ranty's website - and he got it from somewhere else, here is the explanation which you should find fascination.

The Euro, Explained

Baldrick: What I want to know, Sir, is before there was a Euro there were lots of different types of money that different people used. And now there’s only one type of money that the foreign people use. And what I want to know is, how did we get from one state of affairs to the other state of affairs?

Blackadder: Baldrick. Do you mean, how did the Euro start?

Baldrick: Yes sir.

Blackadder: Well, you see Baldrick, back in the 1980s there were many different countries all running their own finances and using different types of money. On one side you had the major economies of France, Belgium, Holland and Germany, and on the other, the weaker nations of Spain, Greece, Ireland, Italy and Portugal. They got together and decided that it would be much easier for everyone if they could all use the same money, have one Central Bank, and belong to one large club where everyone would be happy. This meant that there could never be a situation whereby financial meltdown would lead to social unrest, wars and crises.

Baldrick: But this is sort of a crisis, isn’t it, Sir?

The CIA know all about you, and you have given them the info in the first place!

I have come across a great "spoof video" which I show below.

There are two points I want to make about it.

First, many people have been taken in and believe it was true, however if you watch the video carefully, there are several give-away comments that show tongue-in-cheek comments.

Secondly, althopugh this is a spoof, one is reminded of the old saying, "many a true word is spoken in jest" and one wonders whether intelligence services - and not just in America - use Facebook to glean information about their citizens.

Now enjoy the video...

Extracted from the new rule book of our counter-spy and terrorist unit, MI5

MI5 have issued new rules of conduct for agents this week.

They may no longer get drunk, consort with 
prostitutes or rent boys, or go to strip clubs.  

The rules say that from now on, if agents feel 
compelled to engage in such behaviour, they 
can stand for Parliament like everyone else.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

An impossibility - a politician with common sense - oh it's Nigel Farage!

This is Nigel at his best, telling the EU what is happening as they don't appear to have a clue themselves.

Tell it as it is Nigel:



Ampers

Monday, 21 May 2012

I hated shaving! At least until now.


Over the years I have always purchased the best electric shaver on the market. Until recently I used the top of the range Braun shaver and could shave my difficult beard in about six minutes flat.

Then Panasonic bought out their range. I have a lot of Panasonic items as I like the gear Panasonic produces. I have a Panasonic TV, Video recorder, Breadmaker, Microwave and Camera. Panasonic are seldom first to market but they evidently study the market and they bring out a better version.

Over the last year I have kept my eye on their shavers and when my Braun started slowing down, I purchased the top of the range Panasonic with five shave blades. Around £320 but Amazon were selling at £220 so I took the opportunity of saving £100.

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Fifteen excellent jokes - well, I hadn't heard them before!

 Some excellent jokes, from Larry, our man in Indiana!


The Dumb Kid

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says, "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'

Supporting the Family

A newly engaged couple were having dinner with the bride-to-be's parents. Things were going smoothly until her father decided to find out a little more about her fiancé.

The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"

The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."

The Blonde Mortician

A man who'd just died was delivered to the local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female, Blonde mortician asked the deceased's wife how she'd like the body dressed and pointed out that he looked good in the black suit he was wearing.

The widow, however, said she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and she wanted him in a blue suit. She then gave the Blonde mortician a blank check saying, "I don't care what it costs, please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

When the woman returned the next day for the wake, she was pleased to see her spouse was dressed in a handsome blue suit with subtle chalk stripe. And the suit fit perfectly.

The new widow said, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job, and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her surprise, the Blonde mortician returned the blank check saying, "There's no charge."

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit."

"Honestly, ma'am, it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead. She said it made no difference, as long as he looked nice. So, I switched heads."

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Just this very minute ordered my new mobile phone

Amazon are taken advance orders at a price a tad under £500. So, I have just ordered the 16GB one.

The way I look at it, as 4G won't be here, in the UK, until at least 2013, 16GB will be more than enough for the first year. If I need more then, the 64GB Micro SDCard prices will be right down to around £25. And, 80GB will be more than enough.

I saw this on the Internet which lead me to believe that date:
Ofcom has announced that superfast 4G networks could be delayed due to legal and technical issues. The auction of the 4G spectrum, which decides how the newly available bandwidth is to be divvied up, was set for the first half of 2012 but looks likely to be pushed back.
We are nearly at the end of the first half of 2012, and absolutely no news of the 4G auctions. So this is looking likely.

Anyway here are the full specs of the phone:

The French are coming... The French are coming... Now it's our turn to welcome them!

9:30PM BST 12 May 2012
 
The annual mass exodus from the French capital sees the city's inhabitants while away the August heat in the countryside.
But this week many of the biggest earners across the Channel have been mulling a départ which could be rather more permanent.
The toppling of Nicolas Sarkozy by François Hollande, the first socialist president to lead the country in 17 years, has sent ripples of fear through the wealthier arrondissements of Paris.
Their new president may block the eurozone austerity advocated by Germany's Angela Merkel, but he is not opposed to his richer citizens feeling the squeeze.
 Mr Hollande plans to implement a 75pc tax rate on earnings over €1m (£800,000), on top of a 45pc rate for people making €150,000 or more. He is also expected to raise "wealth taxes" on property assets and end his predecessor's tax incentives to lure bankers back home.
In addition, France's high earners feel increasingly unwelcome in a country now led by a man who has admitted: "I don't like the rich." So where are they looking? London. It comes as no surprise – while Hollande prepares to raise taxes, over here David Cameron is cutting the 50pc tax rate for income above £150,000 to 45pc. "I have already worked in London and lived in South Kensington," said one French banker who expects to return to the UK over the next three months. "The question is how much of Hollande's rhetoric will materialise into policy."

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Lies, Damned Lies and our opponents (mis)use of statistics

- By Tony Brown - this first appeared in The Independence - the UKIP magazine.  Tony has given me express permission to publish it:

Faced with losing the battle for public opinion, our opponents especially the Lib Dems, have begun to peddle a combination of inaccuracies, half truths and fallacies.

They suggest that we cannot leave the EU without losing vital market access, jobs and trade and will be subject to retaliation. Actually, this is nonsense:

Thursday, 3 May 2012

FOX News Tells The SHOCKING Truth About Ron Paul On Air!

What else is there to say, Go Ron, sock it to them...

Ampers

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Another of Cathy's letters about life in Zim(babwe)

Zimbabwe update

Cathy Buckle is again writing about life in Zimbabwe, Cathy's letters earn me some of the highest hit rates on this blog - her letter is below:


Dear Family and Friends,
 
Nothing about our thirty-second Independence day in Zimbabwe seemed real this year. It was a gorgeous day under a bright blue sky and warm sun. Heavy dew covered the early morning landscape and an extravaganza of birds were busy harvesting seeds from the golden grass and carrying fluff for their nests. Everywhere the aloes and indigenous succulents are throwing up enticing spikes getting ready to show off their glorious winter flowers: orange, yellow, delicate purple and rich, creamy white.

For me Independence day started with the drudgery of bucket filling because, perhaps as an Independence present, there was water coming out of the taps. It was the first time in three days we had had water.

It was neither clean nor clear but it was water and the fear that it wouldn’t last long became reality when the taps had already run dry before midday.

The second Independence day present was electricity. Amazingly we had woken up to find the power on and this meant chores: ironing, cooking, charging batteries, catching up on computer work. Like the surprise appearance of water in the taps, we knew the electricity probably wouldn’t last long but at least it stayed on until sunset that day.


Monday, 30 April 2012

Former Chair Person - Latest recruit to UKIP from the Conservative Party

Standing up for liberty – why I’ve left the Conservative party for UKIP by Christina Annelsley (former Conservative Chairperson - see below)

29 April, 2012


For those who have known me and my political beliefs, I expect you have probably seen this one coming from a mile off. After months of  publicly criticising the Coalition government’s authoritarian tax-‘n’-spend policies, I’ve finally defected to UKIP, the one political party in the UK that actually wants to reduce the size of government.

I think it’s very easy to see how uncomfortable it is to be a libertarian in the Conservative party. The recent assaults on civil liberties are not something we can blame the Liberal Democrats on, and the only effort to reduce the tax burden has in fact come from their party. I’m not afraid to admit that there are a few things UKIP policies that make me slightly uncomfortable too – for example, I am in full support of David Cameron’s plans to equalise our marriage laws, and my views on immigration differ slightly from UKIP’s in the fact that I am only anti-state handouts for immigrants, and not immigration per say. However, this is far outweighed by good, libertarian policies – for example, a flat-rate tax of 31% including national insurance, along with an increase in the personal tax allowance, would mean a tax cut for every single person in this country. Cutting spending down to 1997 levels is a step in the right direction towards the size of state I would like to see in this country. Farage himself supports the legalisation of drugs and prostitution, allowing individuals to make their own choices about their own bodies. The policy of leaving the European Union, a vile bureaucracy-loving authoritarian institution that now decides 75% of our laws, obviously speaks for itself. Yet it is certainly not the sole or even main reason I defected. When we compare party policy and manifestos, UKIP’s clearly outweigh the Conservatives; they are my natural home.


Monday, 23 April 2012

What is AfrikaBurn? Here are the ten principles:


Their Guiding Principles

So here’s the deal: AfrikaBurn is a community of participants guided by a set of principles. Ten of them. Which is why they’re called the Ten Principles. They’re the same set of ideals that informed the creation of Burning Man, of which AfrikaBurn is a regional event.

Guiding Principles

COMMUNAL EFFORT

Our community values creative cooperation and collaboration. We strive to produce, promote and protect social networks, public spaces, works of art, and methods of communication that support such interaction.

 

  PARTICIPATION

Our community is committed to a radically participatory ethic. We believe that transformative change, whether in the individual or in society, can occur only through the medium of deeply personal participation. We achieve being through doing. Everyone is invited to work. Everyone is invited to play. We make the world real through actions that open the heart.

 

CIVIC RESPONSIBILITY

We value civil society. Community members who organise events should assume responsibility for public welfare and endeavor to communicate civic responsibilities to participants. They must also assume responsibility for conducting events in accordance with national and local laws.

Happy St Georges day

And did those feet in ancient time.
Walk upon England’s mountains green:
And was the holy Lamb of God,
On England’s pleasant pastures seen!

And did the Countenance Divine,
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here,
Among these dark Satanic Mills?

Bring me my Bow of burning gold;
Bring me my Arrows of desire:
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my Chariot of fire!

I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand:
Till we have built Jerusalem,
In England’s green & pleasant Land

William Blake
 There's more...

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

A newspaper editor writes on Libertarian rights and values

Allister Heath, the editor of one of the best business newspapers and the very best free newspapers I have seen, writes an interesting piece on Freedom and ends with the phenomenal UKIP rise in the polls.
LIBERTY. Freedom. When did you last hear these two words in the UK political debate? Well, I certainly can’t remember. Our country is dominated by busybodies and collectivists who believe that they and the state have the right and duty to tell us all what to do, to spend our money for us and to control what we can eat, drink, trade or say. It’s all gone too far. Individual freedom and its twin sister personal responsibility are the cornerstones of successful Western, liberal capitalist societies; yet these are being relentlessly undermined. Ultimately, there is no difference between economic and social freedoms. Attacking one endangers the other.

So this is my plea: let’s put the emphasis back on the individual. Let’s stop trying to ban everything. Let’s stop describing a tax cut as a “cost” to the government or – even worse – as morally identical to public spending. Let’s stop assuming adults should no longer have the right to eat fast food, or smoke, or drink, or paint their walls bright green, or build a conservatory in their back garden, or whatever it is they wish to do with their own bodies and with their own private property. Let’s once again speak up for the rights of consenting adults to choose how to live their own lives, even if we disapprove. Let’s allow people to hold, discuss or display their beliefs freely, especially if we disagree.

Monday, 16 April 2012

Sunday, 8 April 2012

The new Birmingham, England. Not if you are sensitive and English.

I read this on Max's excellent blog and have reproduced half of it here, with a link to his site at the end if you then want to read the rest of this harrowing letter.

Easter Sunday A Time For Reflection Religion And Peace

I have just returned to London tonight, I have been away for nearly four years, living as an ethnic minority in a mono cultural part of the world, my birth place Birmingham, amassing a host of stories to tell to disbelieving friends. On the whole, I am glad to return. I shan’t miss some locals’ assumptions that, being a white woman, if I was outside after dark, as I occasionally was, usually to walk the few metres between my house and the church, I must be a prostitute eager to give them a blow job. 

I shan’t miss the abuse my priest husband received: the daubing of “Dirty white dogs” in red paint on the church door, the barrage of stones thrown at him by children shouting “Satan”. He was called a “f***ing white bastard” more than once, though, notably, never when in a cassock. I will also not miss the way our garden acted as the local rubbish dump, with items ranging from duvets and TV sets, to rats (dead or twitching) glued to cardboard strips, a popular local method of vermin control to stem the large numbers of them which scuttled between the rubbish piled in gardens and on pavements. Yes, I am very glad to have left Britain’s second city.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Afrikaner Blood

The following video has won a prize, it is a little frightening and I have very mixed feelings.

I approve of Afrikaners keeping their language and culture alive against the continue onslaught on them by the ANC Government, but I do not approve of indoctrination of anyone, let alone the young.

I approve of Afrikaners learning to protect themselves - thousands of Afrikaans farmers have been slaughtered on their farms since 1994. But I do not approve of them seeing every "black" as the enemy. They're not. I have many black friends  both in Britain and South Africa, and they are all African, bright, and cheerful. There are good and bad in all races, and most Afrikaner friends I have, all over the world, will be a little disturbed over this - whilst at the same time approving of the parts that I approve of.

There are also many black groups firmly anti-white. Julius Malemo - the ex leader of the ANC Youth Movement hated the whites and still accuses them of all the ills of the Government who, incidentally, have been in power for seventeen years now.

You make up your own mind:

Monday, 26 March 2012

23 year old - shows there is hope for our youth

Alexandra Swann, a 23 year old has been helping the Conservatives since she was ten years old. She joined the "Conservative Future" [CF] at 16, and until she resigned before the UKIP conference she was... well, let her tell ut in her own words. The following is from her website:

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Margaret is sharper than Bert

Excuse a little more humour than usual but my wife is very ill and I need cheering up.



Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope." 

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. 

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." 

Furious, Bert yelled, "And do you know why it's hanging down Margaret?

"Nope.  Not a clue", she replied. 

"It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!!!

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."