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Thursday, 16 June 2011

Ampers Humour: Dear Mr Cameron, Give 50 year olds and older in work £1 million each and this will solve your problems

This came to me as a joke and, quite frankly, although funny, parts of it have merit. As a seventy-two year old and "homes" are getting closer every year, the prison idea has merit :-)

Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK ’s economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:


There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.  Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new car manufactured in Britain. Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a new or larger house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 worth of petrol/alcohol/tobacco a week - there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

And, furthermore we could put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.


This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard could check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each pensioner could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

This would solve the crime prob;em over night once this information gets out into the criminal world.

And finally, what is going on in Parliament?

During the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria? And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.

But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow so we can monitor their whereabouts?.

Ampers.

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