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Saturday, 30 August 2014

Fear is a useful weapon to subject the meek and the less intelligent.

For example, take religion. Priests, Imams and Rabbis find fear a useful weapon in their armoury to keep their flock “on message”.

Examples include: You won't go to heaven, you will burn in hell, you won't qualify for your seventy-two virgins.
(Mind you, if you add up the hundreds of thousands of Muslims killed in the last 50 years and multiply that by 72, that's an awful lot of virgins. But I digress.)
Take politics. Labour telling their people, “Don't let the Tories in” and the Tories telling their voters “If you vote UKIP you'll get Labour”. And, Clegg telling his voters, “If you don't vote for me I'll cry!" Then, Nigel telling us, ”Vote for the others and you'll get a United States of Europe and no England”!

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Selling your Android mobile? Are you living dangerously?

Naturally, before you part with your mobile, you'll go into Settings/System/BackupAndReset to reset your phone so that it has had all the information, apps and passwords deleted.

However, if the new owner has hacking software, he can get all this sensitive information back from your phone, as easy as reciting “That stupid idiot” three times.

But there is a way to foil the hacker, safeguard your sensitive information and passwords, and feel safe.

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Just got your 'A' levels, here's some timely advice by an old geezer!

Just got your “A” levels? Did well? Now is the time to draw up your “Lifetime” goal.

Here's what to do. [Section One]

1. First of all choose the age you want to retire.

2. Second, draw up a list, leaving six lines between, working from the age you want to retire, backwards, in five year intervals.

3. In the lhe last five years or part, list in one year segments.

Now comes the hard part.  [Section Two]

1. Decide what material assets and wealth you want when you retire. For example, a large house, a new car, maybe a yacht, and a holiday home in Gaza?

2. Then plan what you need for each five year stage to keep you on the ladder to successfully reach your goal.

3. Now fill in the one year steps to see how you can achieve your first “five year goal”.

Now the most important part. [Section Three]

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Melanie Phillips talk entitled "Islam in Europe".

This video is from a recent talk by Melanie Phillips, the "Fleet Street" journalist. In addition, Ms Phillips has a blog which you can view here.

Ms Phillips gave a talk entitled "Islam in Europe" and I reproduce the video below.


Ampers.

Monday, 11 August 2014

Proposed changes to the salary structure of Members of Parliament in the UK

Members of Parliament proposed changes to salary.

Some say MPs earn too much, others say too little. Perhaps it is a little of both.

I have an idea of a simple salary structure which might appeal to both sides of the divide.

First term of five years.

We presently pay a salary oFurther termsf £67,060 for a backbencher at the present. I propose we raise this to £100,000 but no longer pay for second homes, subsidised meal and food purchases.

But to get high flyers I also propose the following.

If a future MP has been earning at least £150,000 a year for at least twelve consecutive months in commerce, we pay him £150,000 a year during his first term.

I also want to do something about weeding out those who don't make the step onto the ministerial ladder. And there are many in parliament who have served three or more terms who haven't made it.

Further terms

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Ampers' Humour: The £50 note

The £50 note!

In Parliament recently, a Tory MP related the following account in praise of the Prime Minister


"There was a father who gave £50 to each of his three sons and told them to buy something that would completely fill up a room.

The first son bought a load of hay for £50 -  but couldn't fill the room completely.

The second son bought a load of raw cotton for £50 – he also couldn't fill the room completely.

The third son was wise and bought a candle for 10p – he lit it and the room was completely filled with light."

The proud MP declared: "Our Prime Minister, David Cameron is like the third son. From the day he has taken charge of his office, our country has been filled with the bright light of prosperity!"

After the applause from the Tory bench died down, Nigel Farage's voice from the public gallery asked:

"So, where is the remaining  £49.90?



The whole country is asking this same question!!

Friday, 8 August 2014

Ampers Humour - be careful of your diet when you retire.

A Twitter colleague, @Battsby kindly allowed me to post this in full, the story was first published on his website today.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Ampers

PS Don't read further if you don't know what colour "Cheesy Wotsits" are.

Friday, 8 August 2014
A Change of Pace

Norman worked at the chemical plant for all his life, from the age of fifteen until he retired, earlier this year upon unexpectedly reaching the grand old milestone of sixty-five. Fifty years of breathing in noxious fumes, half a century of wading through deadly, impossibly-named solvents and still he clung on, determined to see his dotage through in peace and tranquillity, unlike the dozens who had fallen beside him over the years.

He had seen many an accident in his time, even after the intrusive attentions of the Health and Safety Executive; people succumbing to respiratory difficulties, a number of alarming, unexplained rashes which developed into hitherto unrecorded episodes of dermic trauma and a higher than normal incidence of premature hair loss and liver spots. At the plant they still spoke in hushed whispers about the time that Dave – nobody remembered his last name – drowned in the acid bath and all that was recovered was a single white wellie.

But Norman had outlived them all, so it was with some concern that a few months into his salad days he found himself seeking medical attention. The doctor was perplexed and more than a little cautious as he surveyed the gruesome spectacle of Norman’s bright orange wedding tackle. He’d never seen the like and after a cautious examination from behind the prophylactics of face mask, apron and latex gloves he was close to admitting defeat. Nervously backing away from Norman’s incandescent knackers he began his research.

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Ampers' Humour: Sometimes one is completely finished!

Here is a lovely story, one almost wishes it to have been true, from my friend Audrey in Jozi (Johannesburg).


Completed or Finished?

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished".

However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world. Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.

The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: “Some say there is no difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’  Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.”

Mr. Balgobin’s response:

“When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’ If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’

And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.”

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

Ampers.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

Auditors put price tag on EU Parliament 'travelling circus'

A disgusting article, those with high blood pressure should avoid reading further.

====================


Roughly €114 million is spent every year to move the European Parliament between its Brussels and Strasbourg seats every month, according to a new assessment by the European Court of Auditors. EurActiv Germany reports. [That's £1092 million p.a.]

"Finally the Court of Auditors is sorting out the mess of numbers,” said MEP Inge Gräßle, a German Christian Democrat MEP from the European People’s Party (EPP) who chairs the Parliament's Budgetary Control committee.

Gräßle praised the release of concrete figures on the cost of having three EU seats for the European Parliament (Brussels, Strasbourg and Luxembourg).

Members of the European Parliament, their staff and files, regularly move between Brussels, which hosts committee meetings and Strasbourg, where plenary sessions are held on a monthly basis. Meanwhile, Luxembourg houses the Parliament's administrative offices.

Conducted at the request of the European Parliament, the Court of Auditors' report showed that moving all employees from Luxembourg to Brussels, alone, would save €80 million over 50 years.

Relocating the Strasbourg seat to Brussels would cut costs even more, saving an estimated €2.5 billion in the next 50 years. That amounts to €113.8 million per year, the Court of Auditors calculated.

Until recently, there were no reliable numbers outlining the additional costs and certain costs were arbitrarily included or excluded in calculations.
You can read the rest of the article here.
The debate over consolidating the Parliament’s offices has been going on for years but now, with qualitative data to back their arguments, MEPs are speaking more loudly than ever.

“The calculations finally clear the most horrific sums from Strasbourg-opponents from the table," said Gräßle.

At the same time, €113.8 million per year in doubled costs is a considerable amount, said the chairman of the European Parliament's Committee on Budgetary Control.

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Is your telephone company treating you with respect, or are they taking you for a ride?

When writing my blog on Voice over the Internet, I came across Voipfone during my travels. I include a link to their main website here.

The web page on scams was most interesting and I asked, and received, permission to reproduce it here.

Although I don't mind my blogs copied, you cannot copy this one without permission from Voipfone as it isn't mine, so please take note.

Scams of the Telephony Trade

When making calls to any destination other than the UK please remember to include the international dialling code for the country you wish to call.
You shouldn’t choose your telephone company just because you think it has the cheapest calls.
There are several reasons for this:

1. Not all telephone companies are the same - they all offer different levels of service, features, options, packages and contracts.

2. Very cheap calls often mean bad calls – particularly to mobiles and international destinations. Operators can send calls over poor quality routes, the public internet, omit CLI (Calling Line Identity), drop calls randomly and use qasi-legal methods of termination; to name but a few of the tricks.

3. You’re not being told the full story - telephone companies use all sorts of tricks to trap you into thinking that their calls are cheaper than everyone else’s. Usually they’re not; here’s why:

The Headline Price

This is the one in big print shouting at you. It’s the draw, the hook, the snake oil, the scam.
It says something like, “mobile calls 5p per minute!”

Here’s what else you need to know to decide whether that’s a good deal or not.

Is VAT Included?

If it’s a business site you’re looking at, VAT is usually excluded - but it won’t always be obvious and it’s always a bad sign if the telco isn’t telling you.

Call Set-up Charges

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Who are the Palestinians real enemy?

Half the world think it is the Israelis and I wonder exactly what Israel would do if the Palestinians threw Hamas out of their country.

Once Hamas was out, and the Palestinians started rebuilding and living peaceful lives, hands up all those who think Israel would alienate the entire world by continuing to bomb them out of existence?

I just find that scenario too difficult to believe.

I have met Palestinians in Britain, when I was a salesman with Bayswater as my patch. They're great people and, on the whole, in those days, not at all aggressive. I don't believe they are aggressive now!

We must remember, when we see this violence in the West End of London, that all moderate Muslims are terrified of their radical wings and Imams, and if called upon to march, it would be a brave and foolish Palestinian to refuse. The violent jihadists amongst them are the ones making the real fuss.

I am beginning to read in the press that many of the moderates in Palestine are beginning to make noises which indicate they are beginning to realise that their real enemy is Hamas.

Friday, 25 July 2014

Please excuse me, I'm being an absolute racist. I can't help it.

I am not going to name this racist, but perhaps Pat might in this video? But let's face it, he won't, as he doesn't need to. We know who we are.


Ampers.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

What is VoIP? A simple explanation

VoIP stands for “Voice over the Internet (Protocol)”. It can be an excellent way to cut down the bills. There are plenty of mobile apps for Android and iPhone. The mobile apps are either free or cost a few pounds; the computer programs are free for the basic product only.

I think the best way to write this article, is to write it up as a case study. I have chosen my case!

Home voice number

I have an office number which is a London 020 number, but if I lived in other parts of the UK I could have chosen a different 'local' number. I bought this from AQL at a cost of £2 a month and a penny a minute for outgoing calls, incoming calls are free.

I also bought a physical Cisco phone to allow me to make VoIP calls.

My real appreciation of the phone is, I can press one button and the “Do Not Disturb”sends all incoming calls to the answer phone.

However, it developed a fault and I had to return it. This was when I learned of other ways to skin the Voip rabbit.

My real appreciation of the number is simple, if a caller leaves a message on the answerphone, it is saved as a '.wav' file. This is immediately sent to my mobile. There is no charge for this providing you have a VoIP app loaded into your mobile. More of these apps later.

Home fax number

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Banking blues, my journey with Santander plc

I have been having a lot of trouble with a guy in the Santander fraud Office. And, because of it, he seems to have had it in for me.

I wrote the following letter to the Santander CEO towards the end of June and hoped it would sort things out.
Ms Ana Patricia Botin-Sanz de Sautuola O'Shea
Chief Executive Officer,
Santander plc
PO Box 1125
Bradford BD1 9PG 
Dear Ms Botin, 
I have attached a letter of complaint which the very able Ms McManus at my Finchley branch is looking into. However, since I wrote that letter the Santander Fraud Office has blocked three attempted to pay a £1400 amount, initiated by me to the Bank of America. In addition to this, he has blocked an attempt from my wife on her card as well. 
I am becoming convinced that the tiresome person I mentioned is carrying on a vendetta because I complained at his stupidity – details in the attached letter. 
My wife suffers from High Anxiety Syndrome and I do tend to become very protective where she is concerned. 
I am not sure of the exact amount I have in Santander, but am pretty sure it is below £100,000 at present. 
If this problem persists, I shall consider closing the account and moving my money to one of my other banks. 
Knowing you received your degree at Harvard, and having lived for many years in the USA myself, I feel sure you will take my complaint more seriously than someone who has only worked in the UK. It is because of this that I am not, in this instance, contacting the Banking Ombudsman. 
Yours sincerely,

I received a letter from their Executive Complaints manager and you can see from my fax to him in reply, that, as usual when writing to “Corporates”, they never really get it:

The Canadians are the only media people who have sussed out what is really happening in the EU.

The Canadians talk about the power of the press to hide information from the public as they are now part of the Establishment who have vested interests in hiding news from the people.

The following video illustrates this fully by taking the previous EU Elections as an example. Of how the peoples in many countries of Europe said "No" to the EU and in one particular case (the UK) actually came first.

They say a picture paints a thousand words, how many words does a moving picture paint?


Ampers

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Pros and Cons for encrypting your Android phone.

Those who use Android will have seen, under settings, the provision of encrypting your Android mobile phone and even your external SDCard if you use one.

This can have some good benefits, but seems to have more disadvantages than advantages. But things often are not as they seem! I encrypted my phone and have had no regrets, I'll explain later.

If, after reading this article, you decide against encryption, there is still one case where it really is handy.

When you sell your old phone.

If, before selling your phone, you do a “factory reset”, you may think that all your data has been destroyed, but a determined hacker can reclaim all your deleted files and passwords!

There is a way to forestall this. Simply by encrypting your mobile phone and immediately doing a “factory reset”. After the reset, the encryption is immediately turned off and you can sell your phone (in normal unencrypted mode) knowing if the new purchaser tries to read your deleted date, he can't as all the deleted files were, and still are, encrypted and it would all be meaningless.

Now for encryption for daily use.

Monday, 23 June 2014

Ampers' Humour. You can't pull the wool over an old Chief Petty Officer's eyes


Here's a nice one sent to me by a UKIP Local Election candidate.
Retirement Bonus, Navy Style  
The Ministry of Defence decided the Royal Navy had many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer in Portsmouth who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.  
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.  
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.  
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.

Monday, 9 June 2014

The ultimate Bobotie (Cape Malay) recipe.

I have now fine tuned our (South African) Bobotie menu. Remember, the secret is making half of it the day before. In fact you can make the final day a few days afterwards.

The baking of the dish tends to take away the heat of the chilli. I tend to put two or three times the amount I would put in to most other dishes.

Enjoy.

Ampers.

Friday, 6 June 2014

David Cameron, the British Prime Minister, has fooled and tricked the British public.

... if the following is true...

I saw the following extremely long tweet on Twitter and publish it in full. I have not verified it owing to pressures on my time so would welcome any comments below.

WE CANNOT LEAVE THE EU AFTER JAN 2017 !  
Camerons 'Referendum' is a farce!!  
On the 1st November 2014 the right of Parliament to legislate over us in 43 areas, the important ones, will be removed and be made subject to approval, by majority vote of the lying undemocratic and unelected bastards fronting the EU.  
They call it QMV, Quality Majority Voting, which translates in English to: You'll do what we tell you, or else.  
Heath – Thatcher – Major – Blair – Brown, are all, by allowing this, acting in High Treason, but as every important Government post is now held by an EU Common Purpose trained thug, waiting to take over from elected local government officials from 1st November 2014, there seems to be little we can do about it.  
Below, are the 43 areas of "competences", areas we British have been declared incompetent to decide for ourselves.Make a note of the last one because it says we cannot leave the EU unless the other members allow it.  
On 1st November 2014 the following areas of competence will switch from requiring unanimous approval of all member states to qualified majority voting only:
(43) Initiatives of the High Representative for Foreign Affairs – Nice: Unanimity; Lisbon:  
QMV

Ampers' Humour: A sad case of growing old.

A group of chaps, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.  Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.  Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the food and service was good and the beer was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.  Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they could dine in peace and quiet and it was good value for money.